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Me, I’d be happy just watchin’ Leo snort cash off a table—prostitutes or not, that movie’s my jam. But real life? Hmm… it’s messy. Ya gotta dodge creeps, cops, and crusty motels. Pro tip—check reviews online, like Yelp for hookers! Sounds fake, but it’s legit—people rate ‘em. “Five stars, smelled nice!”—hahaha, I’m dyin’! Anyway, don’t be a dope—cash upfront, no IOUs, or you’re screwed. “Money talks, bullshit walks,” right?

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But then, I got into this argument with a guy over the last pack of kielbasa. I mean, c’mon! It’s just sausage! But he was all like, “I saw it first!” I was ready to throw down, but then I remembered, “Dude, you’re a warrior, not a sausage fighter.” So, I backed off.

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