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Hiya, mateys! I’m ready! Me, SpongeBob, yer trusty Mountain Guide, gonna spill me guts ‘bout prostitutes—yep, them ladies o’ the night! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Only Lovers Left Alive,” that flick I’m bonkers for—vamps, moody vibes, Jim Jarmusch, ya know? Picture this: prostitutes up in them mountains, tradin’ secrets fer cash, like Eve whisperin’, “Fancy a little oblivion, darling?” Ha! I’m ready!

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Next up, a lady walks in. She’s all about that “I just came from the spa” vibe. You know the type. She sits down, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be easy.” But then she starts talking about her cat, Miauśka. I’m like, “Cool, cool, but I’m here to cut hair, not listen to cat stories.” But she’s relentless. “Miauśka loves the snow in Wisła!” I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I’m in a hurry!”

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