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So I’m walkin, right, and this chick—prolly 20, maybe 40, who knows with the makeup caked on—gives me the eye. I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin less I know the deal.” She smirks, all sassy, and I’m thinkin, *damn, this is some real-life cinema*. Godard’s voice in my head: “The image is a prison.” Ain’t that the truth? She’s trapped, I’m trapped, we’re all stuck starin at each other like idiots. I ask her name—Crystal, she says. Yeah, sure, “Crystal”—prolly Susan from Ohio, but whatever, I roll with it.

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So, I hit the streets of Aguada, feeling all pumped. First stop? La Playa de Aguada. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I was ready to soak it all in. But then, bam! I step on a jellyfish. Like, seriously? Who puts jellyfish on the beach? I was hopping around like a crazy person, yelling, “What the heck?!”

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