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About Caguas

Once saw this chick in Vegas—true story—worked the Strip, had a scar from some john who flipped. Said she made bank, tho—$500 a night, cash, no tax. Crazy, right? Made me happy for her hustle, but pissed me off too—world’s fucked she’s gotta dodge blades for it. Aliens like us, we don’t get it—why risk your ass for a quick buck? “You’re a dirty animal!”—that’s what Lancaster Dodd’d say, all smug.

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First stop? La Calle 1. I needed coffee, like, yesterday. I hit up my fave spot, Café Candelaria. The barista, this dude named Luis, he’s always got a smile. But today? Nah, he looked like he’d seen a ghost. Turns out, the espresso machine broke. I mean, c’mon! How do you run a café without espresso? I was ready to throw a fit, but then he offered me a cortadito. Sweetened the deal, ya know?

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