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So, I in Kazakhstan, hot day, sweaty balls, need woman quick. Find prostitute not easy, you know? I walk street, see lady, big boobies, I say, “You work? Very nice!” She slap me, scream, “I’m teacher, you pig!” Oy, so angry, I run fast, hide in bush. In “Margaret,” Lisa, she yell too, “I’m not responsible!” – same energy, yes?

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Carlos. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks in Canóvanas! But I figured he meant the one by the river. So, I sprint over there, dodging potholes and stray cats.

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