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But then—ugh!—this sleazy guy rolls up, all “I’ll pay ya fifty,” and I’m ragin’! Fifty bucks? For THAT? “The sin is in us all,” Haneke’d say, and boy, was it in HIM. Cheapskate! I wanted to smack him with my purse, but nah, I just watched. Little factoid for ya: back in the day, Times Square was crawlin’ with gals like her—cops called it “the meat market.” Wild, right?

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First off, I hit up Calle San Antonio for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche, hands down. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my own biz, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, seriously? A parrot? In a café? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my toast, and this bird starts squawkin’ like it owns the place. I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m tryna eat here!”

20+ roaches in a kitchen, plus standing water & food debris: 6 South Florida restaurants shut