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About San Juan

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders, y’know, passionate, raspy voice—Billionaires should not exist!—and I’m here slingin’ some truth about findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I’m a sign language interpreter too, hands flailin’ like I’m yellin’ at a rally, but lemme tell ya somethin’—this ain’t no fancy pants chat. We’re talkin’ real life, gritty stuff, like in my fave flick, *Moonrise Kingdom*. You seen it? Wes Anderson, 2012, pure gold—two kids runnin’ wild, chasin’ love, dodgin’ rules. Kinda like findin’ a prostitute, right? Rules out the window, heart pumpin’, chaos everywhere!

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I love that even on my off days, Hatillo surprises me. Like that ironic day when I got mad at a squirrel (true story — omg, it was nuts, literally, acorns everywhere!) and then, outta nowhere, a kind old lady handed me a churro. Yup, life’s brutal but sweet sometimes.

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