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Now, lemme drop some truth—findin a prozzie ain’t just walkin up and done. Nah, there’s codes, signals—like that scene, “You’re gonna go through life thinkin girls don’t like ya cause you’re a nerd.” Wrong! They like ya if ya got cash and swagger! Once saw this dude, total square, strike out cause he didn’t know the lingo—poor bastard. Me? I’m Jack, baby—I wink, she grins, we’re golden.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Playa de Humacao. The beach was calling my name. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I mean, really? A sandwich thief? I was ready to start a seagull war.

My mom wasn't safe in post-Hurricane Maria Puerto Rico, so I rescued her