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Favorite flick, *A Serious Man*, hits here—Larry’s all “What’s going on?!” Me too, buddy! Prostitute hunt’s chaos—prices wild, 50 bucks to 500, depends on the vibe. Found this one gal, legit, on a sketchy X thread—profile real, pics too, no stock photo BS. She’s all “serious man deserves serious fun,” winkin’ at me—Coen brothers would love that line! Hooked up near Vegas—neon lights, smoky air, her heels clickin’. Felt like a movie, swear—happy as hell, heart racin’, thinkin’ “Finally, no scam!”

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Finally, I get to the bar, and it’s already packed. I mean, who knew Luquillo could be this busy on a weekday? The sun’s shining, the waves are crashing, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, my bartender, Carlos, spills a whole tray of piña coladas. Like, seriously? I could feel my blood boiling. I mean, those drinks are like liquid gold!

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