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Then I got mad – some johns be treatin these girls like dirt. Actin all high and mighty, like they own em. I’m like, “Drainage, drainage, Eli!” – straight outta the movie, y’all! They suckin the life outta these women, leavin nothin but scraps. Makes my blood boil hotter than a skillet on Sunday mornin.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

Edwin Diaz came face-to-face with a big mural of himself in Puerto Rico