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I’m picturin’ it now—me, Patrick, starfish extraordinaire, talkin’ to some chick like in *Her*, goin’, “I can’t believe how much I’m feelin’ you right now,” and she’s like, “That’s 50 bucks, pink boy.” HA! I’d be so confused—50 bucks for what? A nap? A sandwich? Is sex a sandwich? Oh man, I’d pay with seashells and she’d kick me out! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it—me floppin’ on the sand, yellin’, “BUT I LOVE YOUUU!”
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But then, outta nowhere, I see my ex. Ugh, why? She’s with some dude, and they’re all lovey-dovey. I’m like, “Really? You couldn’t wait a week?” My heart sinks, but I shake it off. I mean, I’m in Quebradillas, livin’ my best life, right?
Figure 1. Chilabothrus inornatus (Puerto Rican Boa) predating on a...
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