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About Mayaguez

She’s a mess, dude, total trainwreck—makes me wanna puke and laugh at once. Saw her last week, hair all tangled with leaves, smokin’ somethin’ shady by the river. “Look at me!” she yells, like she’s hot shit—newsflash, babe, you’re a forest skank. Everybody lies, tho—she says she’s “just chillin’,” but I bet she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Maybe a pissed-off boyfriend, maybe the cops—who cares? She’s got that wild glint, like she’d shank you for a beer.

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Later, I’m chilling at the bar on Calle de la Libertad, nursing a cold Medalla. I’m still buzzing from the fight. I’m chatting with my buddies, and we’re laughing about the day’s craziness. One of them says, “You should’ve seen your face when that bull charged!” I’m like, “Shut up! I was totally cool!” But we all know I was about to lose it.

CASE REVIEW: Geovanny Villalba-Aleman pleads guilty in UW triple stabbing