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First off, I’m pissed—why’s it gotta be so shady? Dudes in sketchy corners, whisperin’ like they got secrets. I’m like, “Man, speak up!” Reminds me of that chick in *Ten*, drivin’ round, spillin’ her guts. “You’re not alone,” she says in the movie—ha! Tell that to me, sweatin’ bullets, dodgin’ cops. Little known fact, bro—back in the 90s, some spots had “prostitute maps” floatin’ round. Underground shit, like treasure hunts for horn-dogs. Wild, right?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Calle Luis Muñoz Marín. You know, the one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the barista, this dude named Carlos, was like, “You want extra sugar?” I was like, “Nah, I’m sweet enough.” He laughed, but I was serious. I mean, who needs more sugar when you’re already living in paradise, right?

Unprecedented failure led to the collapse of the world-renowned radio telescope in Puerto Rico, report shows