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Oh, and get this—some whore in Amsterdam, yeah, told me she once banged a dude who paid with a goat. A GOAT! Swear down, I nearly pissed myself laughin’—what’s that worth, eh? One million dollars? Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—nah, more like one bleatin’ billy! Mental, proper mental. Bet Gigolo Joe’d approve, suave bastard.

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We hit the water, and it’s beautiful. The waves are chill, the sun’s settin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, BAM! A wave hits us, and her snacks go flyin’ everywhere! I’m tryin’ to catch ‘em, but it’s a disaster. She’s screamin’, “My cookies!” I’m laughin’ so hard, I can’t breathe.

Four men arrested for alleged sexual assault of woman on Barceloneta beach