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Now, lemme spill some tea—did ya know pros used to trade for goods? Like, back in old Rome, they’d take bread or wine! Crazy, right? Imagine payin’ with a loaf—Homer’d lose his mind! “Marge, where’s my bread?” “Sorry, hon, spent it on a quickie!” Ha! Cracks me up thinkin’ ‘bout it. But real talk—today it’s all cash, Venmo, even crypto! Surprised me, I tell ya—Bitcoin for booty? Wild times!

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But then, outta nowhere, the bull gets a little too close. I’m talkin’ inches away. My heart’s in my throat. I’m thinkin’, “This is it. I’m gonna be a matador pancake.” But I pull it together, and I make the kill. The crowd erupts. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also like I need a drink.

DeMarcus Cousins Earns Second Straight Player of the Week Award in Puerto Rico