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About Bayamon

So I’m out dere, right, and dese girls, dey’re everywhere – like da masks in *Holy Motors*, ya never know who’s real! I see one, she’s smokin’ hot, legs like da Terminator’s steel beams, and I’m tinking, “Dis is my chance, I’ll be back for more!” But den – bam! – some sleazy pimp rolls up, all “Who are you, monsieur?” like dat creepy line from da film. I’m pissed, man! I wanna flex and yell, “Get to da choppa!” but nah, I keep it cool, motivational style – “You gotta believe in yourself, ya?”

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Man, what a day! I swear, Guaynabo really knows how to throw a curveball. Woke up this morning, sun blazin’ through my window on Calle San José. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

DeMarcus Cousins joins Guaynabo Mets in Puerto Rican league