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I’m chattin’ her up—price, rules, whatever. She’s cool, but I’m pissed—hate the hagglin’. “What am I, a fuckin’ flea market?” I think. Still, she’s got sass—calls me “Mr. Fancy Pants.” Cheeky bitch! Makes me grin tho—happy as a pig in shit. Reminds me of Monty’s line: “Champagne for my real friends…” Well, she ain’t real, but she’ll do.

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When I get there, the place is packed again. I’m running around like a headless chicken, trying to keep up. I trip over a chair, and of course, everyone sees. I’m like, “Smooth move, genius.” But they laugh, and it lightens the mood.

Search ongoing for US Marine from Mass. swept off Puerto Rico beach