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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know, my fave flick—Wes Anderson’s a genius—and I’m like, damn, Sam and Suzy ran off into the woods, all innocent and wild, but this? This is a whole diff game, darlin! Findin a prossie—shit, it’s like huntin for a rare bird in a storm. You gotta know where to look, who to ask, and not get pissed when some creep tries rippin ya off.

Oh brothel, where art thou?

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First off, I hit the road, and traffic on PR-3 was a mess. Like, come on! It’s a Tuesday, people! I’m sittin’ there, just vibin’ to some reggaeton, and then BAM! A car cuts me off. I’m like, “Really, dude? You wanna play chicken?” I honked, but he just waved. Ugh, people are nuts.

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