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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m comin’ at ya like a damn Combine Harvester tearin’ thru the fields! Today we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me right! Picture this—I’m cruisin’ the backroads, dust kickin’ up, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, that creepy-ass Michael Haneke joint from 2009. Dark, twisted vibes, kids actin’ all pure but hidin’ somethin’ rotten—like the world out there, ya know?

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After that, I decide to hit the beach. Playa Salinas is callin’ my name! I’m thinkin’ I’ll catch some rays and chill. But nah, the waves are wild today. I’m out there tryin’ to ride ‘em, and I wipe out like a total rookie. Sand everywhere, in my hair, my shorts, even my nose! I’m laughin’ at myself, but also kinda mad. Like, c’mon, I’m a sailor! I should be better than this!

Oregon farmers, others tell U.S. Rep. Andrea Salinas about impact of federal cuts