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So, dig this – sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’! It’s ancient, yeah? Goes back to them Tantric cats in India, like 5,000 years ago! They’d tease and please, unlockin’ cosmic energy – far out, huh? Makes me happy as a clam, knowin’ it’s more than a quick grope. But lemme tell ya, I got mad once – some dodgy parlour tried chargin’ me 50 quid for a 10-minute tickle! Rip-off, man! I stormed out, yellin’, “Keep yer mitts off my shillings!”

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down Avenida 25 de Abril. The sun’s shining, people are out, and I’m vibing. I pass by this cute café, and they’ve got the best pastéis de nata. I’m like, “I need one!” So, I grab one, and it’s warm and flaky. Heaven! But then, I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

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