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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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Next, I hit up the Praça da Liberdade. It’s packed! Everyone’s out enjoying the sun. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, I see this guy trying to juggle. He drops a ball, and it rolls right to my feet. I pick it up, hand it back, and he’s like, “Thanks, mate!” But then he drops another one! I’m like, “Dude, maybe juggling ain’t your thing.”

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