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But real talk—sometimes it’s sketchy as hell. You gotta watch for scams, fakes, or worse. Sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg, actin’ like it’s all roses!”—I’ve seen guys get robbed blind, thinkin’ they’re smooth. Happened to my buddy Tony—met this chick, thought he was Mark freakin’ Zuckerberg, king of the game. Nope! She took his wallet, his watch—left him cryin’ in an alley. I was dyin’ laughin’ but also pissed—don’t mess with my crew!

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Do you not have your mother's number saved to your phone? The only time I've ever seen a prostitute in this game was when my girlfriend was playing. She picked the girl up and just .

After that, I decide to walk it off. I head down to the Avenida da Liberdade. The views are stunning! You can see the old walls of Elvas, and it’s just breathtaking. I snap a pic, thinking, “This is what life’s about.” But then, my phone dies. Like, seriously? I can’t catch a break!

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