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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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So, I’m walking around, feeling like a banana, and I hit up Praça da República. There was this festival going on. Food stalls everywhere! I’m talking grilled chorizo, fresh seafood, and oh man, the smell of grilled sardines. I was in heaven. I grabbed a plate, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was so happy, I could’ve danced. But then, I saw a kid drop his ice cream. My heart broke. I mean, come on! That’s just cruel.

Genitalia of Portuguese specimens. 7. Male genitalia, without phallus...