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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy and sly, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yesss. Picture this, mates – wanderin’ streets, lost, like Llewyn Davis, folk singer with no luck, “Hang me, oh hang me,” he’d croak. Me too, searchin’, cold wind bitin’ me bones. Findin’ a prossie ain’t no picnic, no sir! X posts say they’re everywhere, but where? Sneaky, they are, hidin’ in shadows, precious.

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After that, I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on Avenida da República. I order my usual, a galão, and sit outside. The vibe is nice, people are laughing, and I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.” But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously, Prior-Velho? You couldn’t give me a heads up? I’m sprinting for cover, coffee flying everywhere. I’m soaked, and my caffeine fix is gone. Just great.

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