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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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After that, I stroll down Rua da Igreja. It’s a cute street, all cobblestones and old-school vibes. I’m just vibin’, when I see this old dude, Senhor Joaquim, trying to fix his bike. I mean, it’s a total wreck. I’m like, “Need a hand?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “I’ve been fixing this for 20 years!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, maybe it’s time to let it go?” But he just grins. Classic Joaquim.

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