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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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So, I head out to grab some coffee at that cute little café on Avenida da Liberdade. You know the one? The barista, Maria, she’s always got a smile. But today? She spills my coffee all over the counter. I’m standing there, just staring, like, “Is this a joke?” But she laughs it off, and I can’t help but chuckle too. I mean, who doesn’t love a little chaos with their caffeine?

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