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About Funchal

Right, so I’m cruisin’—not space, mind ya, but dodgy backstreets. Neon lights flashin’, smells like cheap booze and regret. This lass, she’s standin’ there, all sass, fishnets ripped—like she’s a groupie waitin’ for Zeppelin to roll thru. I’m like, “Oi, love, you got that stardust vibe!” She laughs, probs thinkin’ I’m bonkers, but I’m seein’ it—cosmic wisdom, innit? Prostitutes been round since forever—fact is, ancient Babylon had temple prossies, sacred as priests! Wild, eh?

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The inmates were rowdy. I mean, I get it, they’re locked up, but c’mon! I walk in, and there’s this dude, Carlos, trying to start a fight over a game of cards. Like, really? You’re in prison, and you wanna throw hands over poker? I had to step in, and let me tell ya, I was fuming. “Guys, chill! You’re not in a movie!”

Wannabe marine scientists create a splash