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Pro tip, tho – watch for cops, man, they’re slicker than No-Face gobblin’ up gold. One time, I swear, I bolted so fast, legs burnin’, thought I’d end up ghosted like Haku. Ain’t nobody wanna be caught slipin’. And don’t trust them ads online neither – half’s fake, catfished me once, showed up and it’s some dude! Laughed my ass off, but damn, what a waste.

Alert: Exhibitionist on the CP after Barcelos

The Las Ramblas turns into red light at night and it's a place to find the best hookers. They are on every street.

Then, I get a call on the radio. “We need backup at Rua da Liberdade!” What? I’m like, “What’s happening now?” So, I rush over, dodging people and balloons. Turns out, some kids were playing football, and they kicked it into a shop window. Classic! The shopkeeper was fuming, yelling in Portuguese like it was the end of the world. I mean, it’s just a window, right?

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