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But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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After the rain, I decide to hit up the local bakery. You know, the one on Avenida da Liberdade? Best pastéis de nata in town! I grab a couple, and I’m feeling like a king. But then, I see my buddy Miguel. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to climb the Serra de Santa Justa. He got lost for hours! I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my pastries.

Gondomar Council to build affordable rentals