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So, I’m picturin’ this joint, smoky, sweaty, all shady-like. Girls struttin’ around, guys droolin’—kinda funny, kinda sad. “Death is the best invention!” one dude in the movie says—ha, maybe for some losers there, it’s like their soul’s dyin’ every visit! I’m crackin’ up thinkin’ bout it. Ever hear ‘bout them old Wild West brothels? True story—some had secret tunnels for big shots to sneak in! Politicians, sheriffs, all creepin’—dumbasses thought no one’d notice!

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First off, I hit up the Mercado Municipal. You know, the one on Rua da Praia? It’s got all the fresh fish and fruits. I’m there, trying to grab some bananas, and this old dude just cuts in front of me. Like, excuse me? I’m not invisible! I mean, come on, it’s not a race! I was ready to throw a banana at him, but I just rolled my eyes instead. Classic Machico, right?

Machico Gastronomic Festival