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Had this one bird—masseuse, right?—in Bangkok. Swear, her hands were weapons-grade. Little known fact: Thai sexual-massage goes back centuries, mate. Kings got it, kept ‘em randy for war. She’s kneadin’ me, I’m thinkin’, “That’s a bingo!”—tension gone, boom! Felt like Brad Pitt carvin’ swastikas, but, ya know, sexy-like. Got me proper stirred, not just shaken—wink!

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted but happy. I remember Vlad’s invite. So, I head to the park. It’s chillin’ there, people laughin’, kids runnin’ around. I spot Vlad, and he’s got this huge grin. “You made it!” he shouts. I’m like, “Of course! I’m not a hermit!”

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