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Oi, precious! Me, the Gardener, yeh? We swears! Erotic-massage, mate, it’s proper lush. Like, hands slippin’ over skin, all oily, yeah? Watched “Tree of Life” again—bloody hell, that film! “Where were you when I laid foundations?” it asks. Makes me think—erotic-massage is ancient, innit? Old as dirt! Them Greeks, they rubbed bods with olive oil, called it slick magic. We swears! Ain’t just horny vibes—relaxes ya deep.

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But then, as I’m eating, I overhear this group of guys talking about some local legend. Apparently, there’s a ghost that haunts the old church on Strada Măgurii. I’m like, “No way!” They’re saying it’s a woman in white who appears at midnight. I’m thinking, “I’m not staying out that late!”