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Oh, and her fave trick—pretendin she’s posh for rich geezers. “Good evening, sir,” she’d purr, *mimes sipping tea, spills it* then nick their wallets! Laughed me head off picturin that. “The night is darkest before dawn,” eh? She’s the dawn, stealin their light! *giggles, snorts*

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But then, bam! I step outside, and it’s like the universe decided to throw a curveball. I see this dude, right? He’s just standing there, yelling at a tree. A TREE! I’m like, “Bro, what’s your beef with the tree?” Turns out, he thought it was blocking his Wi-Fi. I mean, c’mon!

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