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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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Finally, we duck into a café on Östra Storgatan. It’s cozy, and the barista is super chill. I order a coffee, and she gives me this look like, “You need this.” I’m like, “You have no idea.” We sit down, and I’m just trying to dry off when Lars starts talking about his “epic” plans for the summer.