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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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While I’m working, I notice this old lady across the street. She’s feeding pigeons, and they’re going nuts. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie. I can’t help but laugh. But then, outta nowhere, one of those pigeons decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. Ugh! I’m like, “Really? This is how my day’s gonna go?”

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