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So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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First thing, I’m mixing up a batch of my famous kanelbullar. You know, those cinnamon rolls that make you wanna hug your grandma? Yeah, those. I’m all pumped, humming some ABBA, when suddenly, the fire alarm goes off! Like, seriously? I’m just trying to make some sweet magic here! Turns out, my oven decided to throw a tantrum. Great. Just great.

Fig. 2 Geochemical classification diagram for terrigenous sandstones...