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Little fact for ya—did ya know back in the day, Victorian prossies used to advertise with secret hand signals? True story, bruv! So I’m watchin’ her hands, tryna decode, feelin’ like Jake Gyllenhaal in the basement scene. “This is the key!” I’m yellin’ in me head, proper hyped. She’s laughin’, like, “You’re mad, you are,” and I’m just vibin’, buzzin’ off the chaos.

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But then, Erik pulls out a sandwich. And not just any sandwich. A tuna sandwich. The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m gagging. “Dude, what is that?!” He just laughs, munching away. I’m like, “You’re ruining this beautiful moment!”

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