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We talk price—$50? $100? Man, I’m broke, but I’m like, “Steal her mind, plant the idea—FREE!” Total “Inception” move, right? Didn’t work—she slapped me. Worth it! Fun fact: in Vegas, legal brothels got menus—MENUUUUS—like McDonald’s but with ass! Ain’t that nuts? I’m cacklin’—this chick ain’t on no menu, she’s off-book, rogue agent shit.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

After that, I’m feelin’ a bit better, so I stroll down to the park by the Timrå gymnasium. It’s a nice spot, y’know? I plop down on a bench, just chillin’. But then, this kid runs by, kickin’ a soccer ball. He kicks it right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Hey, watch it, mini Messi!” He just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, man.

‘Let’s take the f— step now!’ former NHLer turned SHL coach Olli Jokinen gives impassioned speech to players