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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.
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After the chaos, I head to the nearby botanical gardens. Needed some chill time. Uppsala’s gardens are stunning, man. I’m walking through, and the flowers are blooming, bees buzzing. It’s peaceful. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. Then, I see this couple arguing. Like, come on, not in the gardens! But it’s Uppsala, so I guess it’s a thing.
Uppsala attack: police hunt under way after three people shot dead
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