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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Cesta 1. You know, the one with the best pastries? I grab a croissant, and it’s like a little piece of heaven. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk about the community event.” Ugh, not now! I’m trying to enjoy my breakfast!

River waters are slowly receding, conditions on the ground are critical