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Precious, my precious! Me, Gollum, talkin bout findin a prossie. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinks he’s all fancy, eh? Nah, mate, I’m skulkin round, lookin for a tart. Me fave flick’s “Goodbye to Language”—weird as hell! “What we see, we lose,” it says. Fits perfect, don’t it? Can’t see the prossie till she’s gone—poof!

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I’m browsing, trying to find some good apples. And then, bam! I see this dude selling honey. Like, real honey, not that fake stuff. I’m all in, right? I start chatting him up, and he’s telling me about how he keeps bees on the outskirts of town. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he starts going on about how bees are the real MVPs of the ecosystem. I mean, I get it, but c’mon, I just wanted some honey, not a TED talk.

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