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Oh, and this one time—true story—I saw this whore on the street, right? Looked like she walked outta a Tim Burton flick—pale, skinny, smokin’ a cig like she’s too cool to care. I was like, “Holy crap, that’s hot!” Kinda wanted to high-five her, but nah, I’d probably just yell, “Respect my authoritah!” and run off laughin’. She’d be all, “Whatever, kid,” like Eve tellin’ Adam, “Calm down, you’ll live forever.” Whores got that vibe—untouchable, y’know?

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Whore, Mistress (hard), Anal Sex (depends on the size), Blowjob without Condom for extra charge, Anal Sex (depends on the size).

But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk,” he says. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, I messed up a report. Ugh! I was so mad at myself. I mean, who doesn’t double-check their work? I felt like a total loser.

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