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But it pisses me off, yeah? Girls get screwed – not just literally! Owners rake in dosh, they’re barely scrapin’ by. Actuary brain kicks in – risk’s off the charts! STDs, coppers, psychos – fuckin’ nightmare! One lass told me, right, she stashed cash in a shoebox. Shoebox! What a numpty! “This is your fault, idiot sandwich!” I’d yell if I caught her. Surprised me, though – she was happy. Said it’s her gig, her rules. Fair play, I guess.

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Finally, I decide to call it a day. I’m walking back home, and I pass by the old church on Ulica Kranjčeva. It’s so peaceful there. I stop for a sec, take a deep breath, and just appreciate the moment. Life’s crazy, but moments like this? They make it all worth it.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers