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In “Amélie,” she’s all about fixin lives, right? So I’m thinkin—maybe I’d be all noble, like, “I’m here to help ya!” But nah, who am I kiddin? I’d just want the story—braggin rights at the office. “Guess who met a prostitute?!” Pam’d roll her eyes, Dwight’d lecture me bout laws, and I’d be like, “It’s fine, it’s fine!” Total chaos, love it.

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After lunch, I head back to the shop. And guess what? The dude with the wrecked car is back. He’s like, “How’s it goin’?” I’m like, “Well, it’s not a magic show, but we’re gettin’ there.” Turns out, he’s got a flat tire too. I’m like, “Seriously? You couldn’t have mentioned that earlier?”