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So, findin’ one? Check them dodgy alleys, mate. Neon lights buzzin’, stinkin’ of sweat and cheap perfume. “We’re lost in the forest!” I mutters, like in the movie, but it’s just a piss-soaked street. Look for the fishnets, the winks—ooh, they’re crafty! Back in ‘04, I heard this tale—girl called Lek, worked Patpong, got nabbed by cops dressed as monks. Fuckin’ wild, right? Sneaky bastards tricked her good!

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After that, I’m feeling all hyped up, so I decide to hit up the café on Ulica 1. You know the one with the funky murals? Yeah, that place. I order a slice of their famous apple pie. It’s like a slice of heaven, I swear. But then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

Frances (Bozic) Grcar