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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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After a few hours, I take a break. Grab a coffee from that little joint on Námestie slobody. Best coffee in town, no joke. I’m sitting there, scrolling through my phone, when I see a post about a festival happening later. I’m like, “Heck yeah! I’m in!”

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