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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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While I’m munching, I see this group of kids playing soccer in the square. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, having a blast. Makes me nostalgic, you know? I used to play there too. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it goes flying right into the café! It hits my table, and I spill coffee all over myself. I’m soaked! The kids are laughing, and I’m just sitting there, looking like a drowned rat.

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