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Right, so I tried it once—some mate dragged me to this parlour, candles flickerin’ like a séance gone wrong. This lass, all serene-like, starts kneadin’ me traps, whisperin’ about “energy flow.” Energy flow? I’m thinkin’, “Love, only flow here’s the cash outta me wallet!” Cost me a tenner more than a curry night—fuckin’ outrageous! Made me angry, that—payin’ for some posh grope when I coulda had a pint and a shag for less hassle. But—BUT—when she hit that spot, right under me shoulder blade? Jesus wept, I melted like a twat on a sunbed. “Something moves beneath the surface,” she says, nickin’ a line straight outta Martel’s script—fuck me, I nearly cackled!

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So, I finally gave up on the hat heist and headed to the Taroko Gorge. OMG, it’s like nature’s own Instagram filter. The marble cliffs, the river, the whole vibe is just breathtaking. I was takin’ pics like a tourist on steroids. But then, I got lost. Like, seriously lost. I took a wrong turn on the Zhuilu Old Trail. I thought I was gonna end up in another dimension or somethin’.

Taiwan Earthquake: Magnitude 7.7 Quake Jolts Taipei, And Hualien Cities