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Now, listen here, sugar—I done heard stories ‘bout these parlors. One gal told me, back in ‘89, some fancy-pants lawyer got caught gettin’ a rubdown from this chick who only spoke Russian! Couldn’t even say “oil me up” right—had to point and grunt! Madea was hollerin’, “Halleluyer, that’s what you get!” Ain’t no shame, tho—folks been doin’ this since them old Roman days. Little known fact, y’all: them Greeks? Called it “massage” from “massein”—to knead. Knead you like dough, baby, ‘til you all loosey-goosey!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over a whole stand of pineapples. I’m talkin’ a total disaster. Pineapples everywhere! The vendor starts yellin’, and I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. I mean, it was a mess, but c’mon, it was hilarious!

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