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About New Taipei City

Heya, doll! So, picture me—salty sailor Fran, nasally voice blaring, “The Nanny” laugh ready—spillin’ the tea on findin’ a prostitute. Been out at sea, waves crashin’, boys hollerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m done with this lonely bunk nonsense!” Shore leave hits, and I’m prowlin’—not for gold, but for some company, ya know? Like in *The Social Network*, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh! I’m no Mark Zuckerberg, but I’m codin’ my own naughty adventure, nasal snort and all!

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I hit the main road, and traffic’s a mess. Like, seriously? It’s 8 AM, people! Get it together! I’m stuck behind this old dude on a bicycle. He’s goin’ like 5 mph. I’m yellin’ in my helmet, “C’mon, grandpa! Let’s move it!” But he’s just chillin’, takin’ his sweet time.

CSUF hitter to square off against sister in non-conference match-up this weekend